Friends...

I'm forcing myself to take the rest of the week off from blogging. I need a little break. I need to not think about things so much, I need to not feel the pressure to (or not to) blog about Parke everyday. I loved keeping everyone up to date on his status, and I will love looking back at the memories we documented, but I'm a little worn down. 

One thing I do want to document before I take my time off is this...

Friends.

I have the best, best, best friends in the whole world. Honestly. Our friends have helped carry our family through this journey with Parke like I never imagined. I have a picture of some of them from the service on Saturday, but not all of them. So, before I go on...just because you're not in the picture doesn't mean I don't love you! :) These were the hostesses for the reception after the service. 

Here are a few public thank-you's. These ladies are amazing!

(left to right):

Sarah-Thank you for your sweet messages and prayers, for making me laugh, and for helping to coordinate child care. 

Stephanie-Thank you for coordinating meals and childcare. Saturday was so smooth with much thanks to you!

Jennifer-Oh goodness...thanks for bringing out your inner therapist and telling me it is okay to cry. Thanks for making me laugh, and thank you to your sweet husband for being Parke's doctor and loving him so well. 

Michelle-My sweet soul-mate. Thank you for being my eating buddy (ha!), cuddling on the couch with me, and for being the mommy to one of Parke's best friends (Isaac). 

Sarah Lauren-This one makes me cry a little bit. God gave me you as my rock throughout Parke's life. Thank you for being here constantly during his life and jumping straight in my bed with me the minute he passed away. Also, thanks for mothering another one of Parke's best friends (Harris). :)

Cara-Thank you for feeding me, for loving my children so preciously throughout these past months, and for being just so darn thoughtful. You have blessed my heart!

Cathy-Thank you for your sweet messages, prayers, and concern. Thank you for helping with Landry and Collier and being such a support. 

Kathleen- Thank you for adding inches to my waistline. :) Your desserts...good grief! Thank you for checking on us regularly, for being Landry's play buddy, and for loving Parke. 

Kristen- My newest precious friend! Thank you for your daily concern for our family, thank you for being Landry's dance mama, and thank you for being such a blessing to my heart. I'm thankful that we met at the right time, and sweet Parke's life bonded us. 

I could start naming so many people that aren't in this picture, but then it would never end. We had friends travel hours to be here with us, feed us, call us, pray for us. It all means the world. We did not go one day without someone checking in on us. 49 days (plus) of phone calls, texts, meals, coffee. We are blessed by each of your friendships, and I thank God daily for the people he placed in our lives. 

So, that's it. Goodbye for a week or so! 

Celebrating through tears...

Today we will join with many friends and family to celebrate Parke's life. Today is a good day. Today, I am thankful that we have a reason to celebrate and a baby in heaven that belongs to our family. 

I have moments of being so sad, but I try to remind myself to be thankful that God gave us the gift of such a beautiful baby...even just for a short time. Eternity will not be short, and we will be with him again for those days. I'm so thankful for Parke Henry, and today we will celebrate his days of LIFE here with us. His days were peaceful, precious, and full of love. 

Job 1:21

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”

One Week

I can hardly believe it has been one week since Parke passed away. These 7 days have flown by and have felt so strange. I have grieved over a lost life before, but never anyone who lived in my own home. There are tiny things all over this house that remind me of our sweet baby....reminders I am thankful for. He was real, he was ours, and I want that feeling to stick. 

We spent 49 days with Parke in our arms, and each week was a celebration, a milestone. It feels funny to have a week pass...a milestone, but marking a loss instead of another birthday. I wonder how long I will count the weeks and the days? I don't know if that goes away or if I will always know that my baby would be 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 24 weeks old. 

As much as we think about Parke, grieve over him, and miss his presence, we are staying busy with Landry and Collier. Staying busy helps. The moments of sadness creep up at the strangest times, but especially when things are slow. 

In the midst of playing this week, Landry brought me this picture she "made of me." She said that it was a picture of me with baby Parke, "because he was your best friend." I love that girl! 

Here are some busy pictures of us from this weekend while my brother and sister-in-law were here. It was really good to get out of the house some instead of sitting on the couch and sulking. It's good for the kids for us to act as "normal" as possible, but we still make sure to talk about Parke regularly and answer Landry's questions. We want them to continue to know him and talk about their brother as they grow. 

The boys went to the Razorback game and chased Collier around. They said he loved it, but did not sit still for one minute. :)

Before I even go here, I've already been told that I am going to have to be watched! 

Landry may or may not have had her ears pierced on Saturday with my cousin. :) 

We had been talking about doing it for her birthday in April, so it was just a little early. Her daddy was a pushover when she asked him on Saturday, so he gave us permission to go. Seriously, cleaning those things 3 times a day is keeping me busy! 

One of my good friends asked me, "What's next? Is Collier getting a tattoo?" 

After the ear piercing torture, we went and got pedicures. Landry shared the foot soak bowl with me and loved it. The people at this nail shop really got to know Parke in his 7 weeks of life, and they were so sad when I walked in without him. 

Besides planning Parke's beautiful memorial service for Saturday, I have been keeping myself distracted with cooking, online shopping, and cleaning out closets. I think that Landry might be able to compete for the best dressed child award if I don't get myself under control. Maybe making some online returns will also keep me distracted!

We are continuing to feel your prayers for our family, and I can't tell you how much your precious words have meant. 

We're just missing our Parke Henry...

Paying Their Respects...

On Sunday, Parke's birth mother and her family wanted to pay their respects to our family for the loss of our sweet baby boy. We have seen them multiple times since Parke's birth, texted regularly, and shared a crazy amount of pictures. We went to their house with the kids, but we really didn't know what to expect on this visit. 

We sat there for 30 minutes just making small talk and watching the kids play. We gave their family a plant and an 8x10 picture of Parke for their house. They have 8x10 pictures hung around the top of their wall of all their family members...even those in the Marshall Islands. We thought it would be special for them to have his picture, and they really loved it. 

Finally, people started flooding in, and I realized what we were waiting for. In a 2 bedroom duplex, over 30 adults and multiple children came to honor our family and acknowledge the loss of our child. Some of their families traveled over an hour to get there just to shake our hands. 

Their preacher showed up, and they even worked out having a translator there for us. The preacher stood up and gave a short message, and then the entire house broke out in the most beautiful Marshallese song. I wanted to pull my phone out to video or take pictures the entire time, but I did not want to offend anyone. Even without pictures, I will remember those moments vividly. 

After the song, they shared with us that in their culture they like to make an offering to the family to make up for their loss. They got in a line and came before us to throw money at our feet. Many people cried for us, and they all shook our hands and shared in our sorrow for losing a part of our family. 

This part was difficult for us...we wanted to say NO WAY! Especially because we were in a home where 17 people live in 2 bedrooms. They are in a state of poverty, and they continued to want to honor our family with the little that they had. They gave us over $70 and the flowers pictured below. 

After that was finished, the preacher shared with us that they had prepared "refreshments" for all the guests. A child came out with a plastic bread-bag filled to the top with individually zip-locked egg salad sandwiches. Two pieces of white bread and mashed up eggs...that house started getting very stinky! :) After they passed everyone one sandwich, the child came around again offering us the extras. We had plenty, so other family members started taking what they could. 

Next, the birth mother's brother, and the "head" of the house came offering drinks. He used the lid off of a storage container as a tray and had an assortment of sodas, juice, and water for us to choose from. 

I cannot express to you how they honored us in those moments. They put together a very special ceremony of love where our families and cultures were joined. 

The birth mother and I cried together, and my heart truly hurts for hers. She has been so gracious to make known that I was Parke's mother, but I know her mama heart is hurting and broken as well. 

I'm just throwing this out there in case anyone is wondering. If you want to honor Parke's life with a donation towards his birth family, we will absolutely get that money to them. I'm not asking anyone to do that, I'm just sharing that we will continue contact and will have a way to provide that gift to them at any time. I was overwhelmed that, with so little, they still wanted to give to us in a big way. They wanted to show us their love, their respect, and their sorrow for our family. 

We not only share a child with this family, we share the same God. I am thankful for the knowledge that one day the birth mother and I will sit down face to face in heaven and speak clearly to each other. No broken conversations, no cultural confusion...just mamas sharing stories about their baby. 

**I have learned something very interesting about the Marshallese culture throughout these months. If a Marshallese woman has a sister, their kids are all considered siblings. If she has a brother, his kids are cousins with hers...just like in the US. I can't tell you how many men walked in and the birth mother told me they were her brothers...at least 12. Birth Mother's sister told me that their aunt (mom's sister) lives here and that is where all of their siblings come from. They have a family of 8 and so does the aunt. Pretty wild!**

Landry's Moments...

Landry was able to have some special big sister time with Parke on Thursday morning before he passed. This will probably surprise a lot of people, but she didn't even know he was sick. We hadn't really talked about that. She overlooked the oxygen, the medicine, the doctors visits, and all she saw was her baby brother...he was perfect and complete in her eyes. 

Thursday morning, we brought her into our room and snuggled her up in the bed with the 3 of us. The first thing she did was lean down and kiss Parke's head. She giggled and laughed and said, "Baby Parke is teasin' me! He sounds like a little piggy!" His breathing was labored at that point, and it was a cute description and made us all giggle for her to describe it that way. I'm so thankful that she interpreted it that way and not as scary. 

We told her for the first time that baby Parke was going to go live with Jesus. 

She said, "But I want him to live with me!" and "When will he come back?"

We told her that he had a broken heart and it would be totally fixed in Heaven. We explained that one day we would all get to go live in heaven with Jesus and we would be with Parke again on that day. 

She said, "But I don't have a broken heart." 

Landry also kept saying, "But I still want TWO brudders!" 

We told her that she will always have two brothers, and that she gets to tell people that she has a brother in heaven...not many little girls get to say that, and that makes her an extra special sister!

Her reply was, "But I want two brudders HERE." 

She asked some tough questions...things we didn't expect from a 2 1/2 year old. But, it was amazing what she understood. I loved getting to tell her even more about God and his purpose for our lives. 

One of Landry's favorite things about Parke were his "tiny feet!" She wanted to match their feet up that morning, so I snapped a quick picture. What a precious moment. 

She loved on him and hugged him lots that morning. We never asked her to say "goodbye" because that isn't what I wanted her to remember. I asked her if she wanted to sing Jesus Loves Me to him, and she did. The way she sang it was priceless...

"Jesus loves me...you!" and would look at Parke.

"Yes, Jesus loves me...you! Yes, Jesus loves me...you!"

She wanted him to know that he was SO loved...because he was!

I'm glad I didn't post this a few days ago because since then, we have continued to be amazed at Landry's comprehension of the situation. Someone was sharing their condolences with us the other day when we were out, and Landry told them that her baby brother, Parke, was in heaven with Jesus. She told the lady, "Jesus is holding him because babies have to be watched." :) 

Just this morning, she told me that she missed baby Parke and wanted him to come back to his home with her. We talked about how that wouldn't happen and that he is so happy to be where he is now. We talked about how we can anxiously await being joined with him again one day. I told her that we could pray and ask Jesus to tell Parke things if we wanted to and if that would make us feel better. She prayed and asked Jesus to give Parke a lollipop...and a taco. Ha! 

She has been amazingly strong through this whole situation. Most of the time, she carries on as usual. There are those few moments of questions, and then she moves on with playing or telling stories. I hope that she keeps asking and keeps remembering her time with him. 

Micah and I were discussing some areas of hurt for us over the weekend. We had some families close to ours who backed away when Parke was born and chose not to "expose" their family to his story or situation.  We had others who practically would have lived with us for 7 weeks just to let their kids have a glimpse of God's hand working. I am so thankful that our kids got to be a daily part of Parke's story, and I am so thankful that Parke is a part of their life stories. I can't imagine it any other way, and we pray that as parents we live consciously choosing to expose our children to things that will help them know God on a more intimate level. 

 Even though Collier doesn't understand yet, we will be able to show him pictures of them together and teach him about God through Parke's miraculous little life. The questions may be tough, and the conversations are hard....but this is where life lessons are taught and accepted.  

I had a church friend share this with me through email. Her kids never met Parke, but the fact that they used his story to Glorify and teach about God in their family was so touching and comforting to us. 

 "I cherish the lessons of love you have taught me and my family by your example.  My children have cried and questioned God about Parke Henry's short life.  It has been wonderful to discuss  with my children about trusting our Lord with all of our fears and questions."

Thank you all for sharing your stories with us over email. We have received so many emails about purpose that Parke's life held. We will cherish those stories and look back with joy that his short life had meaning to others besides just us. 

Parke Henry...

This post is hard, but I'm ready to document these moments before I forget. We are feeling your prayers bathing over our family, and we are so grateful for that. Parke was a special, special baby. I am so grateful to God that he gave him to us...even if just for a little while. I am so honored that I was chosen to be Parke's mama. He changed our lives in such an amazing way, and he will forever be my baby. 

Our last days with Parke were extremely precious, peaceful, and a time that I will never ever forget. 

Parke was on oxygen most of the time, so we didn't leave the house at all. It was wonderful to just snuggle up with our family of 5 and enjoy each other. Parke was comfortable the entire time, but sleepy throughout. I loved it when he would open his eyes and make contact with mine. He knew it was getting close, and he just seemed so at peace.

My grandparents were over on Wednesday, and we were able to get a few family pictures on the couch. They didn't go perfectly with our wild munchkins, but the pictures and memories they will bring my heart are absolutely perfect in every way.  

Parke continued to be "over-loved" throughout his last day on earth. He was SO loved by Landry and Collier, and I'm so glad we will have pictures to show them and talk to them about their relationship as they get bigger. Collier started saying "bru-ber" on Wednesday.  

When the kids went to bed Wednesday night, Micah spent some alone time with Parke on the couch while I visited with an old friend. He needed that time with his son, and I am so glad he got it. 

We went to bed late and stayed up until around 2:00 crying, admiring Parke's features, and just soaking up his presence. We read scripture to him, sang some of our favorite songs, and prayed for God to go ahead and take him. His breathing was very labored, and even though he seemed comfortable, we were ready for him to be fully healed. He hadn't had any fluid intake in 24 hours, and we knew that there would not be "normalcy" for him at that point. 

The scripture that stood out that we kept reading to him over and over was, 

1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." 

We got a little bit of sleep that night snuggled up with our boy. He made it through to the morning, and we got up early and started the process we went through the night before all over again. Pictures, sweet stories, scripture, songs. I snapped this picture of sweet Parke that morning around 7:00. Does he not look just amazingly peaceful and beautiful? He even seems to have a little grin on his face. I will cherish this picture, always! He had to know how much we loved him!

I kept struggling to understand why God was having him hold on. Why things couldn't happen quickly and without any struggling on Parke's part. God kept reminding me that his timing is perfect, and there is a reason for every second he has planned.

Landry woke up before Collier that morning, and we were able to bring her down and let her spend a few special moments with her baby brother. The minutes were PRECIOUS and I broke down and cried as she left the room knowing that God intended for those moments to happen. I will be doing an entire post about those few minutes because I want her to be able to look back and experience it all over again. It was amazing. 

At this point in the morning, we were still just a family of 5 hanging out together. Our sweet babysitter offered to come play with the kids that morning, and I was hesitant to say yes the day before. We love our mornings as a family, and we like to move slow when Micah is home. I thought about it and decided maybe 9:00 would be a good time for her to come. I'm so glad she did because she was in the room with us as we knew Parke was in his last seconds. She took the kids immediately so that Micah and I could be alone with Parke. 

I held him in my arms, staring into his face as he took his last breaths. Micah and I hugged him closely and told him over and over how much we loved him. We sang to him and rocked him tightly as he passed directly into the arms of Jesus. We knew immediately when he wasn't here any longer, but there was a resounding peace in our home. An amazing feeling of knowing we were covered in prayer and God was present with us. 

That is all I can handle to share for now.

More tomorrow...

Below is a link to Parke's obituary. I am going to try to sit down in the morning and share a post with some pictures and precious memories from our last few days with our baby boy. 

I cannot thank you all enough for the love and kindness that has been shown to our family. 

http://eptingfuneralhome.webs.com/obituariescondolences.htm#906757073