Well, today marks 3 weeks since Parke passed away. It's gone by fast.
I've started to get back in a routine (as much as one can with life's craziness), I have both Landry and Collier back in my arms today, and I have had a fabulous week of shopping away some blues with friends.
I had a few friends buy me special CD's after Parke's death. One friend said, "I know this is so 90's, but these are great." :) Ha! Really, they have been wonderful tools to minister to my heart. One of my new scheduled items with my "routine" is to get up at 5:30 or 6 to do my quiet time and work out. A lot of mornings, I do it all together. I stick one of the CD's in the player and work out while listening and worshiping our Lord. Spiritual and physical work out all in one...you know, always multitasking!
So, I wanted to share two of my favorite songs out of the bunch with you...
The first is Natalie Grant's "Held." It is a beautiful song that we actually used in Parke's service. My sweet friend, Emily, sang the song beautifully during Parke's slideshow. You can watch the picture video and hear the song at the link below.
The second song is newer to me. I just heard it in the past few days, but it created a total sob-fest for me. It is by Matt Hammitt and called "All of Me."
Listen to the song here.
The lyrics of this song are perfect, and they describe the way that I felt about Parke that I didn't know how to put in words.
Here are the words...
Afraid to love
something that could break
Could I move on
if you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart and pray he makes you whole.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE ALL OF ME,
You're gonna have all of me,
Cause' you're worth every falling tear,
You're worth facing any fear
YOU'RE GONNA KNOW ALL MY LOVE,
even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts,
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I won't let sadness, steal you from my arms.
I won't let pain keep you from my heart.
I'LL TRADE THE FEAR OF ALL THAT I COULD LOSE,
FOR EVERY MOMENT I WILL SHARE WITH YOU
You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me.
Cause you're worth every falling tear, you're worth facing any fear.
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough.
Enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me is where I'll start.
Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak. You're worth all of me.
You're worth all of me!
So let me RECKLESSLY LOVE YOU, even if I bleed.
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me...
The words to that song just give me chills to type them. They speak a lot of what is on my heart. We could have walked away, we could have chosen to "switch" our match to a healthy baby after we learned of Parke's illness, but HE WAS WORTH EVERY TEAR. Parke getting to be a part of our family (here and for eternity!) was worth any amount of pain I'm facing. I lived 49 days with him as a normal baby. I tried not to look at him and see a child who was here in passing. He was my baby, and he got all my love...even when it hurt. I would choose this path every day over and over again because I was blessed by being Parke's mama. I did (and do) recklessly love him, and that makes the pain even more real....but he was worth having all my love.
I'm missing my boy today, but thankful and blessed by the two crazy fair-skinned Gibsons.
Happy Thursday...it's almost the weekend! :)